The Joke That Hits Too Close to Home

Picture this for a moment - a man approaches a prostitute. But instead of asking for sex, he says, "I just need someone to tell me I'm enough." She rolls her eyes and responds, "Sorry, mate, I don’t do emotional labour." It’s funny. But it’s also painfully real.

That little joke sums up so much of what’s wrong with how society handles masculinity. Men today are caught in a constant tug-of-war. We’re told to "speak up" about our feelings, to be vulnerable and share our struggles. But at the same time, we’re bombarded with messages that say showing emotion is "weak" or "not manly." No wonder so many men feel like their emotions are some kind of seedy secret.

It’s this double standard - this paradox- that’s contributing to a mental health crisis for men. And the consequences are devastating.

The Masculinity Paradox: Speak Up, But Stay Strong

I’ve seen it time and time again. Society sends out these mixed signals that box men into silence. On the one hand, there are campaigns telling us, "It’s okay to talk." On the other hand, we’re culturally conditioned to believe that opening up somehow makes us less of a man.

And the stats reflect the fallout of this paradox. Here in the UK, the male suicide rate is catastrophic. As of January 2025, we’re talking about 17.4 deaths per 100,000 men. That’s far higher than for women.

Middle-aged men, especially those between 45 and 64 are most at risk. Why? Because this is the age range where societal expectations are at their heaviest. They’re told they must be providers, be strong, hold it all together. And when they can’t, they feel like failures.

Why Men Don’t Talk

I’m often asked, "Why don’t men just open up?" The answer is simple and incredibly complicated all at the same time. Stigma.

The British Psychological Society outlines how societal norms around masculinity discourage men from seeking the help they need.

From a young age, we’re conditioned with toxic phrases like "Man up," "Boys don’t cry," and "Stop acting like a girl." These words don’t just hurt in the moment; they form the foundation of a lifelong mindset that values stoicism over vulnerability.

The sad truth is that most men don’t just avoid talking; many actively suppress their emotions out of fear of being judged. That’s where Tough To Talk comes in. As the founder, my mission has always been to challenge these outdated norms. We’re bringing men’s issues to the Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion (DEI) table because this isn’t just about individual men - it’s about societal change.

Men need spaces where they can speak without judgment, where emotions aren’t taboo. Our work at Tough To Talk emphasises that mental health isn’t a "soft" issue; it’s a life-or-death one.

The Cost of Silence

The consequences of this stigma and silence are all around us. The All-Party Parliamentary Group on Male Suicide has been vocal about the urgent need for better prevention strategies. Yet, systemic failures continue to leave men behind.

Here are the facts:

• Men make up 74.5% of suspected suicides in England.

• The most affected group? Men aged 45-64. These are often our fathers, uncles, and colleagues—men carrying the weight of societal expectations to "keep it all together."

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But the problem isn’t just individual; it’s systemic. Mental health campaigns are often generic, failing to account for the unique pressures men face. Therapy models can feel alienating to men who crave practical solutions rather than deep introspection. And workplace cultures rarely foster emotional safety for men to share what’s really weighing them down.

How We Build Solutions

The time for hand-wringing is over. Words are fine, but real change requires action. Over the years, I’ve come to see clear ways we can tackle this issue head-on.

1. Positive Male Role Models  

We need more public figures and influential men in your spaces to stand up and say, "This is what vulnerability looks like. And it’s okay." The more men see others who embody strength through honesty, the easier it becomes to break that silence.

2. Female Allyship  

A lot of men ask me, "What’s the role of women in this space?" And I’ll tell you - women are crucial allies. Female support doesn’t mean "fixing" the men in their lives. What it does mean is creating environments where men feel safe to express themselves. A well-placed "It’s okay to talk about that" can make a world of difference.

3. Tailored Campaigns  

At Tough To Talk, we recognise that generic mental health initiatives are failing men. We’re producing tailored campaigns that align with how men process and address their struggles. It’s about relatable examples and actionable solutions - not just telling men to open up, but showing them how and where.

4. Make Every Space a Safe Space  

Whether it’s the workplace, a community group, or even an online forum, every space needs to be safe for emotional honesty. I believe this starts with leadership. Workplace leaders, in particular, must model vulnerability and ensure their teams know it’s okay to prioritise mental health.

The Strength in Vulnerability

Redefining what it means to "be a man" isn’t just a catchphrase for me - it’s my mission. True strength isn’t about ignoring pain or burying emotions. Strength is about facing those emotions head-on, acknowledging them, and taking steps to heal.

If we want to save lives, and I mean that literally, we have to dismantle outdated ideas of masculinity. This means men stepping up for themselves, women stepping up as allies, and society stepping up to make mental health resources inclusive, accessible, and judgment-free.

At Tough To Talk, we’re working hard every day to make sure this conversation doesn’t stay in the shadows. By bringing men’s mental health to the DEI table, we’re building a world where being vulnerable isn’t just okay, it’s celebrated.

Because the truth is, men need to hear this more than anything else right now:

You are enough.  

That’s my call to action, and I’m proud to stand at the forefront of a movement where silence is no longer the norm. It’s tough to talk, but it’s tougher not to.