The Power of Words: How Language Shapes Our Response to Suicide in the UK
- Steve
- Aug 22
- 4 min read
By Steve Whittle, Founder of Tough To Talk
When someone is struggling with suicidal thoughts, the words we choose can mean the difference between opening a door to healing or slamming it shut. Language isn't just a tool for communication, it's a force that can either stigmatise or support, isolate or connect, wound or heal.
As the founder of Tough To Talk, a UK-based charity dedicated to reducing male suicide, I've witnessed first-hand the power that words have for those in crisis and those left behind.
At the start of my journey in this work, I found myself repeating what I thought was a helpful message: "Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem." I genuinely believed this would help people see their struggles as surmountable. But as I spent more time speaking to men in pain and families bereaved by suicide, I learned just how damaging this phrase can be.
What feels “temporary” from the outside can feel endless, or even hopeless, to someone in crisis. I saw how this phrase shut down conversation and left people feeling further misunderstood and alone.
Over time, I came to prefer a different phrase, one that reflects the genuine struggle many people face: “Suicide happens when the pain of living is greater than the fear of dying.” This simple truth honours their pain and opens up the possibility for understanding and connection.
When Words Wound
Language shapes how we think about suicide and how those affected by it see themselves. Research here in the UK, such as guidelines from the Samaritans, highlights the importance of compassionate, non-stigmatising language. Let’s take a closer look at some phrases that often cause harm:
"Commit/Committed Suicide"
The phrase “committed suicide” is still used widely, but here in the UK, suicide was decriminalised over 60 years ago. Using the word “commit” links suicide to criminal acts, shame, and sin, reinforcing stigma that can prevent people from seeking help.
Try instead: “Died by suicide,” “took their own life,” or “lost their life to suicide.”
"Permanent Solution to a Temporary Problem"
As I shared above, this phrase is well-meaning but deeply unhelpful. To someone facing overwhelming emotional pain, their problems do not feel temporary at all. When we dismiss that pain, we risk silencing the very people we want to help.
Try instead: Acknowledge the pain and keep the conversation open, rather than trying to problem-solve or minimise.
"Successful" or "Failed" Suicide
Describing a suicide as “successful” or “failed” turns a human crisis into a test with pass/fail outcomes. It strips away empathy and inadvertently suggests that dying is an achievement.
Try instead: “Fatal suicide attempt” or “non-fatal suicide attempt.”
"Suicide Epidemic" or "Skyrocketing Rates"
Using sensational language, like calling suicide rates an “epidemic”, can create fear and hopelessness, rather than understanding. It also risks normalising suicide as inevitable.
Try instead: “Rising rates of suicide,” “concerning levels,” or stick to factual reporting.
Using "Suicidal" as a Label
Labelling someone as "suicidal" reduces their identity to their struggle, which can be deeply isolating.
Try instead: “Person experiencing suicidal thoughts” or “someone facing suicide.”
The Ripple Effect of Harmful Language
Stigmatising words don’t just have abstract consequences. They feed a culture of shame, pushing people into silence about their pain. This culture of silence, especially among men, can be life-threatening. In my years working in male suicide prevention, I’ve seen how stigma stops men from reaching out—because they worry they’ll be judged, not understood.
Words That Heal
Thankfully, language can also heal. The Samaritans’ Media Guidelines and Mind UK’s advice both encourage us to use words that break stigma and create safe spaces. Here’s how we can all make a difference:
Use neutral, factual language: Say “died by suicide” instead of “committed suicide.”
Avoid romanticising or sensationalising suicide: Steer clear of terms like “set free” or calling suicide trends an “epidemic.”
See the person, not just their struggle: Use person-first language.
Avoid metaphors and jokes about suicide: Terms like “political suicide” can trivialise real suffering.
As I’ve learned through Tough To Talk, when we open the conversation honestly and compassionately, we invite men and everyone else struggling to talk about what hurts, without fear of blame or judgment.
Practical Tips for Better Conversations
Listen without judgment: You don’t need to fix things or have all the answers. Just being present and listening is powerful.
Gently offer different words: If someone uses a stigmatising phrase, it’s okay to say, “I’ve learned that ‘died by suicide’ is less judgemental and helps people feel heard.”
Signpost support: Let people know help is available. (In the UK, Samaritans: 116 123, or text ‘SHOUT’ to 85258, Tough To Talk support pages)
Never share graphic details: Avoid discussing methods or circumstances, as this can cause further distress.
Creating Safe Conversations in the UK
The aim isn’t to avoid the subject, but to talk about it safely and openly. When we use compassionate, accepted language, we:
Open doors for people to reach out
Allow families to grieve without additional shame
Build communities that can prevent tragedy together
A Personal Reflection
Looking back, I have to admit that my early experiences using “suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem” have taught me volumes. Now, my favourite phrase is this: “Suicide happens when the pain of living is greater than the fear of dying.” For so many of the men I’ve spoken to, and families who have lost a loved one, this rings heartbreakingly true.
The Choice is Ours
Every conversation we have shapes someone’s willingness to reach out.
Language is not just about being correct; it’s about saving lives. In the UK, where male suicide remains the leading cause of death for men under 50, we all have a part to play in making every word count.
If you or someone you know is struggling, know that you are not alone. The Samaritans (116 123, free from any phone), CALM (Campaign Against Living Miserably, 0800 58 58 58), Shout (text ‘SHOUT’ to 85258) and Tough To Talk's support pages for signposting are always there to help.
UK Sources: