What I Survived, What Nearly Broke Me, and Why I Speak Up Now

By Ryan Harland, Author of Riding the Storm | BBC Radio Kent Bravery Award.

There’s a version of my story that people think they know.

The man who survived childhood sexual abuse.

The man who lost his brother.

The man who was diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder.

The man who now speaks up to help others.

But the truth underneath all of that is darker, heavier, and far more human.

For years, I didn’t have a language for what I carried.

I just had symptoms. Anger. Shame. Silence. A constant feeling that I wasn’t enough.

And a mind that told me I didn’t deserve to exist.

When you grow up hurt and unheard, you start to believe your pain is a burden.

You start to believe that the world would be quieter without you.

I know what it’s like to sit in that emptiness and think that the only way to stop hurting is to stop being here at all.

People talk about suicide like it’s a choice.

It isn’t.

It’s the point where your pain has become louder than your hope.

Where your past feels heavier than your future.

Where surviving feels harder than leaving.

I reached that point more than once.

But every time, something pulled me back.

Sometimes it was the memory of my brother Kev.

Sometimes it was one person believing in me when I had nothing left to give.

Sometimes it was simply the thought that if I quit on myself, then the people who hurt me would win.

And I couldn’t let that be my ending.

Sharing my story is not about making noise.

It’s about showing others that even when your mind tells you you’re done, there is still a way forward.

You don’t have to have everything sorted.

You just have to stay long enough to see even one small thing change.

That’s why I wrote Riding the Storm.

Not to relive my trauma, but to show that healing isn’t clean or linear.

It’s messy. It’s painful. It’s human.

And it’s possible.

My book is my proof that you can survive the things that were supposed to destroy you.

You can lose people, lose yourself, lose hope, and still rebuild from the wreckage.

You can turn your story into something that helps others realise they’re not alone.

Today I speak in workplaces, schools and events about mental health, trauma, resilience and what it really costs to bottle up what’s hurting you.

Not because I have all the answers, but because I remember what it was like to have no one to talk to.

If my voice can give someone else even one moment of strength, then everything I survived has meaning.

If you’re struggling, if you’ve ever felt the pull of that dark place, or if you feel like your story doesn’t matter, I want you to hear this:

You are still here for a reason.

Your pain is not a burden.

And your story is not finished.

Your life can still become something you never thought possible.

And if you need someone who gets it, someone who has walked that edge and made it back, I’m here.

My inbox is open. My platform is open.

This is why I speak up.

Because lived experience saves lives.

I know because it saved mine.

About the Author

Ryan Harland is a mental health advocate, speaker and author of the autobiographical book Riding the Storm. Through his lived experience of childhood sexual abuse, loss, trauma and life with Borderline Personality Disorder, Ryan uses his voice to help others feel seen, heard and understood. He speaks openly about resilience, recovery and the power of breaking silence to rebuild your life.

Book: Riding the Storm — available on Amazon

Website: ridingthestorm.co.uk

LinkedIn: Ryan Harland

Instagram: @RidingTheStorm1977

Facebook: Riding the Storm

Ryan Harland

Author of Riding the Storm | BBC Radio Kent Bravery Award