Beyond the Silence: Uncovering the Real Struggles Men Face Today

I founded Tough To Talk for a simple reason: I saw too many men, good men, suffering in silence. I’ve seen first-hand how the pressure to be intense, to be a provider, to "get on with it" can become a crushing weight. Society often paints a picture of men as one-dimensional beings, concerned only with work, sports, or a pint at the pub. But that picture is dangerously incomplete. Men worry, and we worry about so much more than people think.

This isn't just a personal feeling; our experience at Tough To Talk and our own studies also support this. It's a reality confirmed by stark, chilling data. A report, "Missing Men: Men and Boys’ Scorecard," from the Centre for Policy Research on Men and Boys, lays this truth bare. The authors, Mark Brooks and Nick Isles, have put together a comprehensive look at the state of men and boys in the UK, and the findings should be a wake-up call for every single one of us.

The report’s title, “Missing Men,” is powerful. It speaks to men missing from the economy, from education, and from their families. But as I read it, another meaning struck me. Men are missing from the conversation about their own well-being. They are present in body but absent in voice, silently navigating a sea of pressures that, as the report shows, are pulling them under.

The Scorecard of a Silent Struggle

Brooks and Isles reveal a troubling landscape for men, especially in the wake of the pandemic. The numbers are more than just statistics; they represent fathers, sons, brothers, and friends who are struggling. At Tough To Talk, we hear the stories behind these numbers every day.

The Weight of an Empty Wallet

The report highlights a significant decline in male employment. The male employment rate has dropped from 80.2% in 2019 to 77.7% in 2024. That’s nearly a million men who would need to find work just to get back to where we were. When a man loses his job, he often feels he has lost his identity. The role of provider is deeply ingrained in our DNA, and the inability to fulfill it can trigger immense shame and anxiety.

We hear from men who are economically inactive due to long-term sickness. They want to work, but they can't. Imagine the frustration of wanting to contribute, to provide for your family, but being held back by your own body or mind. This isn't laziness; it's a quiet battle fought behind closed doors, often leading to feelings of worthlessness. This is one of the "unseen" worries that men carry.

The Educational Divide and Its Lifelong Impact

The challenges start long before men enter the workforce. The report points to a persistent educational gap, with boys consistently underperforming compared to girls, from primary school all the way to university. Boys are also excluded from school at higher rates. When a young man is told, directly or indirectly, that he's a failure from a young age, that message sticks.

This isn't about blaming girls for succeeding; it's about asking why we are failing our boys. When young men leave the education system without qualifications or prospects, they are being set up for a lifetime of struggle. They become part of the NEET statistics, Not in Education, Employment, or Training. The report notes that one in seven young men now falls into this category. This isn't just an economic problem; it's a crisis of hope.

The Highest Price of Silence: Men's Health

The most devastating findings in the "Missing Men" report are related to health. Male suicide is described as the biggest killer of men under 50. In 2023, over 5,000 men in Britain died by suicide. That’s more than three times the number of people killed on our roads.

Let that sink in. More men are choosing to end their own lives than are dying in tragic accidents. Why? Because the pain becomes unbearable. The worries about money, family, health, and purpose build up until the pressure feels inescapable. At Tough To Talk, we know that these are not sudden decisions. They are the final stop on a long, lonely road of silent suffering.

The report also shows that men's life expectancy has fallen. Deaths from cardiovascular disease and alcohol-specific causes are on the rise. This isn't just about physical health; it's a reflection of how men cope, or fail to cope, with stress. When you feel you can't talk about your problems, self-destructive behavior can feel like the only release.

It’s Not Tough To Be a Man, It’s Tough To Talk

The findings from the Centre for Policy Research on Men and Boys echo everything we stand for at Tough To Talk, and they align closely with what we hear every day working directly in male-centric spaces and through our partnerships with the Listening Collective exploring male culture. The "missing men" are all around us. They are the dad at the school gates putting on a brave face after being laid off. They are the young man stocking shelves who feels his future is a dead end. They are the friend who seems fine but is secretly terrified of not being good enough.

But the worries men carry go far beyond what most suppose. Our conversations and workshops reveal just how overwhelming these challenges can be:

• Loneliness: Many men describe a deep sense of isolation, even when surrounded by family or colleagues. According to the UK Government's Community Life Survey (2023/24), 6% of men in England report feeling often or always lonely, a figure likely underreported due to stigma.

• Financial Stress: Persistent worries about job security, debt, and providing for loved ones weigh heavily on men’s minds. Latest data shows that over 40% of UK adults report feeling anxious about money, with the Men’s Health Forum citing financial concerns as a leading factor in male mental health struggles. In 2024, male employment rates had still not recovered to pre-pandemic levels, and one in eight men live in households with problem debt.

• Separation from Family: Breakdowns in relationships, especially being apart from children, can lead to feelings of loss and despair. In the UK, around 42% of marriages end in divorce, and data from the Office for National Statistics shows that fathers make up less than 10% of single-parent households. Many men report ongoing emotional distress due to limited contact with their children following separation or custody disputes, which is frequently cited as a trigger for mental health crises among men.

• Addiction and Gambling: Some men quietly battle gambling problems, substance misuse, or alcohol dependency as a way of coping. In the UK, men account for more than 60% of problem gamblers, and over 2 million men are estimated to be at risk of gambling-related harm (GambleAware, 2023). Alcohol misuse is also considerably higher among men, who are nearly twice as likely as women to binge drink, and account for nearly 75% of alcohol-related deaths (ONS, 2022). Additionally, men make up approximately two-thirds of adults in treatment for drug addiction in England, highlighting how substance misuse is a predominantly male issue.

• Lack of Trust in Systems: There is significant mistrust toward workplace support systems and wider societal resources, often due to fears of being judged, seen as weak, or facing negative repercussions at work. Recent research from Mind (2022) found that only 14% of men said they would feel comfortable disclosing a mental health problem to their employer, and a CIPD report (2023) highlighted that nearly half of men are worried that opening up to workplace support could impact their job security or advancement. This deep-rooted mistrust means many men continue to suffer in silence, rather than seeking the help they need.

• Reluctance to Reach Out: Most men told us they would not confide in a line manager or even a mental health first aider. According to the Movember Foundation’s 2021 survey, less than one in four UK men (23%) said they would be comfortable talking to their employer about mental health struggles. While some said they might open up to a friend or colleague, the reality is that very few actually do.

  
  

This all highlights the urgent need for better frontline peer support, real, down-to-earth help from people who understand and have faced similar struggles themselves.

If you or someone you know needs support, know that you are not alone. I encourage you to visit the Tough To Talk support pages, where you’ll find information about the right organisations to help you, no matter where you are on your recovery journey or what you’re dealing with. There is help, without judgment.

If you are a partner, friend, or family member of a man, look beyond the surface. Ask how he’s really doing. Create a space for him to be vulnerable without judgment. Sometimes, just knowing someone is willing to listen is all it takes to open the floodgates.

The report by Mark Brooks and Nick Isles is a vital piece of work. It gives us the data we need to demand change. But data alone won't save lives. We need empathy. We need a connection. We need to tear down the outdated idea that men must face their battles alone. They're not missing; they're drowning in plain sight. It's time we threw them a lifeline.

Read the report here Missing Men: Men and Boys’ Scorecard