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Porn Is Killing Me

By Jay Pyatt

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At my lowest point, I was staring at a future without my marriage, my dignity, or my will to live. Lori had confronted me about my porn use again, and the shame was unbearable. I thought about ending my life—not for long, but long enough to feel the pull of it.


I’d been using porn since I was a kid. It was my way to numb pain and escape discomfort. Even after real relationships and sexual experiences, I kept going back. Like an alcoholic waking with a hangover, there was a constant trickle of negative self-talk and unhealthy thinking afterwards: you're a failure, you're a pervert, you're weak, you're useless, you'll never be loved.


I’m not alone in this. Neither are you.

  • Pew Research (2014): 71% of men aged 18–49 report viewing pornography.

  • Journal of Sex Research (2016): About 70% watch monthly.

  • Barna Group (2016): 64% of Christian men, including regular churchgoers, watch monthly.

  • Covenant Eyes & Protect Young Eyes: Average first exposure is around 9–11 years old, sometimes younger.


Porn doesn’t just numb: it erodes. It chips away at your ability to handle pain, stress, even boredom (Dopamine Nation – Anna Lembke). I used it so often that waiting in line for five minutes felt unbearable. And when I couldn’t use it anymore, I didn’t know how to face reality without it. That’s when suicide crept into my thoughts.


It was another escape, a way to stop hurting Lori and stop feeling like a burden. But it was really another form of self-harm. And it would have stopped some of the pain I was causing Lori by making her focus on a different source of pain. It would be healing a gunshot wound to the chest by amputating a leg.


Here’s the truth I wish I’d accepted sooner:

  • Porn is a bandage for old wounds.

  • You are not broken or beyond hope.

  • You cannot heal by keeping your secrets.


So when we started our business and Lori asked me what I would call my website, "Porn Is Killing Me" immediately came to mind. I want other men to know, it is killing you one image, one lie, one thought at a time.

Every man I’ve seen find freedom has done one hard thing first: tell the truth to someone who matters. It feels impossible, but it’s the only way out of the cycle of shame.


Some men I’ve worked with have lost jobs, marriages, reputations, and even their freedom over porn use. I’ve also seen men, from their 20s to their 70s, from lawyers to pastors, come clean, do the work, and rebuild their lives.

The hardest work I’ve ever done was facing my lies, my pain, and the damage I caused. I still make mistakes. I still see Lori’s disappointment sometimes. But I can face it now: with my head up and my heart open.


If you’re tired of the cycle, here’s what I want you to know:

  • Tell someone today. A friend. Your wife. A support group.

  • Your story won’t be a burden; it will be the lifeline someone else needs.

  • You deserve freedom, not just from porn, but from the wounds that made it your coping tool.


We need you here. Someone’s waiting to hear your story so they know they’re not alone. Don’t let porn (or silence) be what kills you.

 

We’re Jay and Lori Pyatt — and together, we guide couples through the dark and often isolating world of betrayal, addiction, and emotional disconnection.

Not from theory, but from lived experience.


We’ve been through the kind of pain that tears marriages apart.


Porn addiction. Betrayal. Emotional shutdown. Years of mistrust, confusion, and silent suffering.

We nearly lost everything — including each other.


But we didn’t give up.

We did the hard work.

We faced our trauma, owned our mess, and rebuilt from the ground up.


Now we help other couples do the same.


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